As with most issues in life, I approach parenting 6 children with a bit of a totally different model. I’ve been recognized to scrub my hair with mud, and brush my teeth with charcoal, and I’m simply as unconventional in raising my children. Today I’m sharing what this strategy appears to be like like, how it’s developed over time, and how it ties into our homeschool journey.

I don’t count on everybody to agree with me, however hopefully by sharing my story you possibly can take what resonates with you. I at all times attempt to be taught one thing from everybody I meet and I hope you strategy these ideas with the identical open thoughts! Even when you don’t homeschool, I’ve discovered this primary rules strategy to parenting can have some fairly drastic outcomes!

You Are Your Own Infinite Autonomous Being

Yes, that’s fairly the mouthful, however I do actually consider that about people! And since my kids are people too, I deal with them the identical method. I begin right here, as a result of this concept lays the inspiration for each different parenting choice I make. I see my kids as inherently complete, succesful, and smart of their own method. They’re naturally born full of curiosity, creativity, and the flexibility to assume critically.

Not so sure?

Well, right here’s one instance. In 1968, a pair of researchers got down to examine the creativity of 1,600 preschool age kids. Their objective was to see how many children met the factors for a inventive genius. Someone who might downside remedy, assume critically, and assume exterior the field.

They discovered a stunning 98% of the younger kids scored as inventive geniuses. When they retested the identical kids at ages 10 and 15, their creativity scores had steadily plummeted to simply 12%. A bunch of adults of their 30s who got the identical check? They scored at 2% creativity. That outdated saying “If you don’t use it you lose it” applies to our creativity and choice making processes too!

A Paradigm Shift

The greatest takeaway from the 1968 examine was that kids are born with these abilities. Learning this stuff modified my fascinated about how I wished to strategy parenting my children. I’m not making an attempt to form my kids into a predefined mildew of who I feel they need to be. Instead, my parenting tries to honor them as a complete particular person.

Part of this strategy includes utilizing intrinsic (not exterior motivation). Yes, sticker charts and guarantees of cookies for a reward might get the conduct we would like within the second. However, when kids make that inner choice for themselves and might see the worth in it, constructive habits are more prone to stick. Unlike conventional parenting (and schooling) this approach prioritizes connection and trust in a totally different method.

I’ll admit that I used to be a lot more structured with my older children once they had been youthful! I’ve even acquired some push back from them on how my parenting has modified with their youthful siblings. It’s attention-grabbing to see their differing opinions, however then again, they’re every their own particular person.

Parenting as a Guide and Partner

While I do consider my children are born with innate knowledge about their own our bodies, knowledge additionally develops with age. I do know I’ve vastly benefited from others’ shared life experiences and knowledge over time. In the identical method I see my function as a mother to be a mentor and a information for my kids.

This includes respecting my kids’s feelings, wants, and experiences, as a substitute of merely counting on my own assumptions. I additionally don’t attempt to drive them to do issues and help them to self-regulate and make their own knowledgeable selections. One method I do that is by modeling constructive behaviors

Many people are stunned after I inform them I don’t make my children eat healthy foods! I make sure our home is stocked with healthy meals and it’s obtainable to them, nevertheless it’s up to them to eat it. And in the event that they’re out to eat at a buddy’s home, they must be taught to make good selections for themselves. With a little steerage, children can be taught which meals make their our bodies really feel good and robust, and which of them don’t.

I might additionally argue that we actually can’t make anybody do something. Ask any mother or father of a toddler who doesn’t wish to eat his broccoli!

Part of that is serving to my children be taught to manage their own feelings. Some (most) days parenting could be arduous. This can deliver up a lot of overwhelm and difficult feelings. Instead of placing the accountability of this on my children, I attempt to take accountability for my own parenting triggers.

Make it Irresistible

Another lesson I’ve discovered the arduous method, is that what we make off limits is what children will discover interesting. When I used to be a teen, I actually wished to get my ears pierced a second time. However, my mother and father mentioned no. Once I left home as an grownup, I made a decision to get piercings… a complete lot of them! At one level I used to be up to 33 piercings.

I ultimately realized I didn’t need (or really need) that many. It wasn’t very snug to sleep anymore for one factor! Recently I had a full circle second on this with my own teenage daughter. She requested for a second ear piercing and I used to be glad to get interested in it together with her. We mentioned what she thought, why she wished one, and helped her come to an knowledgeable choice. Her having the ability to discover that call and have that dialog in a method was additionally therapeutic for me.

Critics might argue that kids can’t be taught intrinsic motivation and bounds except we give them exterior limits. However, I actually really feel that true construction arises when kids are given the space to experiment, fail, and be taught inside protected limits. The concept for me is to mother or father by means of connection as a substitute of coercion and develop a sturdy relationship.

Education Reimagined

With all that mentioned, my parenting strategy additionally influences how we homeschool. I wish to assume of it as a child-led, curiosity-driven strategy. When my oldest was first approaching faculty age, I bear in mind studying so many parenting and schooling books. What I discovered was that many of them didn’t resonate with how I wished my children to have the ability to be taught and grow.

After lots of analysis (and a few trial and error), I adopted a few core components when it got here to my children’ schooling.

• Prioritizing intrinsic motivation as a substitute of exterior rewards and punishments
• Letting my kids paved the way in what they had been involved in
• Learning by means of sensible life abilities

Everyone could have their own method of approaching their baby’s schooling and a few of it additionally relies on their state’s necessities. We dwell in a pretty free state on the subject of homeschooling rules. So my children can test the packing containers for what the state requires fairly rapidly, then they’re free to maneuver onto what I take into account the true studying!

In Real Life

So what does this truly seem like?

We don’t have a typical homeschool day, however I encourage my children to be taught by means of what they’re involved in. For my one son which means studying tons of books each single week. Recently, for my daughter that meant planning and executing a complete room transform in the home. Including planning the room format, budgeting, and building a library … full with a rolling ladder! They’ve taken courses in anatomy, science, and different topics relying on their passions.

I encourage sensible life abilities. Each of my children has a contract with me the place they’ve agreed no mobile phone or automotive till they’ve had a profitable business for one 12 months. We take tons of area journeys, they usually take possession, show management, and observe by means of with plans.  

The Case for Unconventional Education

This strategy can come as a shock for some. Don’t we need all of the college topics each single day? Don’t children need to be in a classroom for 8 hours? What about pages of a number of selection checks to make sure they’re studying? While none of this stuff are inherently dangerous or flawed, I’d problem that they’re vital for true schooling.

When I feel back to my grade faculty schooling, I bear in mind little or no of the details I discovered in my textbooks. What I do bear in mind are the experiences and pursuits that challenged me and me.

Something that actually shocked me? I came upon that youngsters who actually obtained no formal education in any respect, in the event that they determine to go to school later, it takes them much less than a 12 months to totally catch up to their friends. The important key right here, is once they have the inner motivation to be taught, they quickly catch up. My buddy Jesse Elder had a comparable expertise. Although he by no means had any conventional education, it in no method hindered him from changing into a extremely profitable entrepreneur. You can hearken to more of his story here on the podcast.

Researchers have recognized for over a decade that unschooled kids are succesful of thriving in a faculty surroundings. They famous that unschooled college students who went to school (together with Ivy League colleges) simply adjusted to the teachers and had been in a position to rapidly decide up the needed abilities. The college students reported their self-motivation and self-learning gave them an benefit over their friends. 20-50% of these college students pursued STEM careers that required superior arithmetic and science programs.

Addressing Concerns to Unconventional Parenting

One of the frequent issues is that this child-led strategy can lack vital construction. However, I’ve discovered that with some help and steerage, kids can start to be taught inner self-discipline. It can take an adjustment period in the event that they’re not used to this.

Another frequent objection is what about socialization? Between youth group, monitor meets, tumbling class, and different teams, in my expertise homeschooled children can have lots of socialization alternatives! I’d additionally problem the concept that children need to solely be with their friends all day. Having teams with blended ages and variety helps them be taught to work together with every kind of people.

Examples of This Approach to Education

The concept of stepping away from standard schooling is kind of a mental leap for many people. In my analysis, I discovered some attention-grabbing examples of this all through historical past.

Thomas Edison, arguably one of probably the most influential inventors in historical past, was dismissed from his native faculty home. The lecturers mentioned he was “addled,” deemed him unable to be taught and despatched him home. With a grand complete of 3 months at a conventional faculty, Edison was as a substitute homeschooled within the fundamentals by his mother. He largely taught himself by means of studying, analysis, and experimentation.

Alexander Graham Bell, the inventor of the phone, is one other instance. He attended faculty for about 4 years earlier than dropping out and changing into self-taught. The prolific creator Agatha Christie was additionally homeschooled and taught herself to learn at a younger age. Abraham Lincoln was homeschooled and largely self-taught. The first feminine Supreme Court justice, Sandra Day O’Connor, accredited her sturdy basis in essential considering to her early homeschool days.

There are many more examples of this, however I feel you get the thought! On a more private be aware, I’ve seen creativity blossom in my own children. My children frequently amaze me with the options they arrive up with which are much better than something I might have given them!

Key Takeaways and Final Thoughts

This approach does demand more from mother and father, however I’ve discovered the deeper connections and trust are value it. While I’m definitely not good, I attempt to deal with my kids as their own infinite autonomous beings. It’s about approaching them with curiosity and serving to information them to develop their own innate abilities.

I do know this technique is basically exterior of the field for a lot of, however I hope you possibly can strategy it with curiosity.

I’d love to listen to your ideas! Did any of this resonate with you? How do you strategy parenting and schooling?